What’s more magical than a beautiful fairy in an enchanted forest? The elephant blocking the door to my house.

Most popular name for a country singer: Cardinal Richelieu.

The CEO walks into the meeting, looks around, and starts shouting angrily at everyone. See what happens next in my upcoming book: Songs of Love: Music from My Heart and Sauna.

What’s scarier than having a creepy monster under your bed? Having a creepy monster under your bed singing country songs.

Best pick-up line ever: Where have you been all my life, a salt mine?

The powerful pharaoh sat upon his throne and reviewed the construction of his majestic pyramid. He stood up slowly and dropped his hot coffee in his lap causing him considerable discomfort.

Amazing uses for butter: Use a stick of butter to write a thoughtful greasy letter to someone.

Most romantic book title of all time: The Onion That Lives in My Closet and Other Stories of Unbridled Passion.

What is the most delicious dessert in the world? You guessed it: Cabbage and prune ice cream.

Why was the TV news reporter so mad? A crow landed on his head and took his wig.

What’s cuter than an adorable smiling baby? My uncle complaining about stuff when he’s had a few too many beers.

What did the man say to his psychologist? Could you please stop scrapbooking while I’m talking.

Beautiful things you can say to someone you love: I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up.

The whole family was in a jovial holiday mood, having a great time decorating the tree with the traditional prunes and pickles.

What’s the difference between a fast car and an even faster car? One doesn’t have a mustache.